Intro #2

So Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
"But don't look back in anger", I heard you say
-Oasis
Now bear with me for a moment because this is another intro. Ninth grade was basically the same as Junior High for me, minus the teasing and minus the severe middle part that made me look home-schooled. I was a girl in a nameless, faceless sea of freshman who basically went under the radar. The real struggle for me lied in creating an identity. My burgeoning interest in alternative and punk clashed with my desire to fit in on the varsity cheerleading squad. I made band patches that I sewed onto shirts and then never wore. In the cultural wasteland that is Acton, Massachusetts, fitting in with mediocrity was necessary for survival. So I threw my Converse in the black hole of my closet and started listening to Oasis and Guster regularly. I bought mini-skirts and shopped at American Eagle and slowly went from anonymous to noticeable. I also developed a group of girlfriends who were like me, on the cusp of the in-crowd. It's odd how a lot of female relationships are started in high school based solely on having similar traits. We got ourselves our own group of boys to hang out with, which is essential for moving up the social ladder. I finally felt like I belonged, generally, and knew I had to keep quiet the fact that I went to the library weekly and still busted out my Nirvana cds when I was alone in my room. (Yes, I was about ten years too late to hop on the Nirvana train, but teen angst is ageless.) I was mainly focused on myself and my girlfriends at the time, so there were no noticeable crushes for most of that year. I'm pretty sure I had a thing for John McSweeny, but that idea is so vague in my mind that I think it's only worth mentioning is passing. But by the end of my freshman year, I could feel it: things were changing for the better for me and I knew if I kept up my act a little longer, I'd be in. Keep in mind that the boys from here on out will overlap, backtrack, and linger in my heart for varying amounts of time, so the timeline is going to be a little off. For the next five years or so, I was rarely without a romantic interest of some sort because I began to connect my self-worth with the interest of boys. It was an easy trap for me to fall into at that age, because my identity and self confidence grew directly alongside boys' attention. So here we go: My Later Years Of High School.