John 2.0, Age 15

"Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she prefers the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll appreciate the kind of straight forward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you'll remain friends."
-Nada Surf


I told you'd I be back tracking. Before John 1.0 and I hooked up, but after he broke my heart (more or less) (I thought so at the time, for sure), I had my first real boyfriend, John 2.0. There's not really a whole lot to be said about this, because it was a three week long, kiss-less relationship. We hung out twice outside of school, and mainly talked online. What IS significant is that when a boy (a nice, football playing jock) finally liked me and wanted to date me, I pulled the same thing that I pulled with Zac in 8th grade. I freaked. I distinctly remember having him wait for me outside a class, hold my hand to my locker and then walk me BACK to class and thinking, “Jesus, having a boyfriend sucks.” Maybe it was because I was too immature to have legitimate feelings for someone so young, or possibly because I was only dating him because the other cheerleaders told me I should. I just knew that I still like John 1.0, and I was interested in other boys too. But that presented another problem. How was I supposed to break up with him? I managed to hold myself together for a few days, biding my time. I finally, after my friends told me I HAD to, called him on the phone. This is during the era of house phones, so I had to look up his number in the phone book and then talk to his little brother in order to get to him. I said the only thing I could think of: “I think we should just be friends.” It was the first and last time I ever remembering saying those exact words because after that, generally, every boy I dated I ended up hating or having them hate me, so the empty promise (or, perhaps, threat) of remaining friends was unnecessary. Because I was so desperate to dump him, I did so three hours before the football and cheerleading banquet. That was one of my worst ideas ever. Ok, not ever, but it was a pretty terrible one. Definitely Top Twenty Five Bad Ideas (other ideas include: piercing my own nose, black hair extensions, and of course, black asymmetrical slut dresses.) When they called my name to get an award, you could have heard a pin drop. For a second. Then the football players started teasing John and making a general ruckus. Thankfully, my parents weren't there because, after all, cheerleading isn't a real sport, so they weren't obligated to care. I was essentially getting a piece of paper with my name on it for yelling cheers that didn't ever correspond with the action on the field. Anyways.
So John 2.0 is most definitely not a Boy I've Loved. But I did make a major discovery during our brief affair: Even if all you've wanted since first grade is a boy who wants you as a girlfriend, it only really matters if YOU want THEM to be YOUR boyfriend. Also, I was totally not ready to date a guy with a full beard.